It’s been a little over a year since my first post to this blog. To say that it’s been a rough year would be putting it mildly. It’s been such a God-awful year that for much of it I simply did not have the energy to write about it.

Events in the past year with J. have been so excruciatingly painful at times that it was all I could do to function. The fear when he was on the run at moments so intense as to literally, physically, bring me to my knees.

Learning to accept the reality of what was happening and to let go of the fear, was a constant struggle. Even when, on the surface, it appeared as though I’d mastered that art, the fear was still there, just barely hidden, rising up in unguarded moments and in agonizing dreams during fitful sleep.

Six months ago J. was committed to the Dept. of Youth Corrections for up to two years. In our state, the Dept. of Youth Corrections attempts, where possible, to provide treatment to the minors in their care, rather than simply incarcerating them. J. is in one of the facilities that provides intensive treatment through individual, family and group therapy.

So for now, the long days and even longer nights of fear for his safety, for his physical well-being, that I had each time he ran, have subsided. The fear for his emotional, mental and spiritual well-being are still with me but are not as intense most of the time. Or perhaps, I’ve gotten better at shifting out of the fear when it arises than I’d realized.

I must admit, that over time, I have gotten better at taking the latest drama, (whatever it may be) in stride. While I can’t claim to be unaffected by what’s going on with J., each new drama takes less time to adjust to than it used to, so I guess it does get easier with practice. This just happens to be practice I’d as soon never have had.

I’m going to attempt to back-track and to post about the major events that have occurred over the last year. To pick up where I left off. Because while these subjects aren’t fun, and no one likes to think about them, I know that I am not alone in dealing with them. I know there are other parents out there, who, like me, are desperately holding onto the hope that their teenagers will make it. Will one day be okay, be happy, be self-sufficient, contributing adults. And we need all the help we can get.